We opened up our relationship to the world
we put it to the floor
and on the floor was where we lay
holding eachother close
bodies as one
we nurtured our love and opened it up like a flower
Because our first kiss had felt like happy ever after
Because when I love
When I love
I feel my heart might erupt out into molten lava
spilling down my cheeks and spurting out of every pore
I feel like silently screaming into my pillow and clawing my nails down my skin
because it is so much.
Sometimes it is too much
Imagine…imagine that I wasn’t just one lonely, burning star, fixated by flames
too enraptured by the rapture captured and ravenously
drinking up each and every solitary ray the tired worn out sun can manage
until I grow bloated, burnt out and slowly turn into a charred shadow of myself.
Imagine if instead I allowed my heart to erupt. But instead of facing you this time
I turn and face another
Imagine if they became immersed in me, imagine themselves bathing in taking in that same golden lava
Energy at its MOST sustainable
Imagine if I became the you for them
Imagine if they were also the you to me…
Imagine turning back to you to find you finding me in another, while you softly caressed my me to make me see I was still the you for you, while my other you, still found me to be their you and I held their hand transmitting love to make them understand that I could be their me, and their you was true.
A chain of body shapes, connected in some web spiral of fingers toes, lips, souls minds, genitals, hearts, melodies and harmonies all charged through by THIS this powerful, holy, life enforcing hum, vibrating us into cataclysms of ACTION and tranquility, a perfect circle, perpetual motion and perpetual togetherness exploding joy into each others very BE ness
Lonely is now just a fairytale.
Imagine if with our first kiss we had set the world alight?
Yeah these ideas were big and our mistakes probably even bigger
We were just little kids but we felt like brave pioneers
Adam and Eve fumbling our way through the eternal
And sure enough we turned into symbolism
shape shifted through each other nightmares and wildest fantasies
slipped through the cracks
and sometimes we couldn’t find eachother again
Occasionally we lost our love in advertising slogans
Capitalisms wet dream
Searching not for answers but for validation
Patriarchal point scoring
Sometimes I looked at you and I had no idea who you were
What was worst was the fear. Ah the fear. Especially in those moments of motion, especially when we forgot how to breathe together.
You thought I couldn’t see you for the idealism, you thought I couldnt or wouldnt embrace the night time in you.
You thought I couldn’t or wouldn’t allow you freedom because everytime you tried a new shape I met it with a funny face.
Within joy laughter was how we met our love
But a certain kind of laughter makes your skin crawl….
You felt you couldn’t find a shape for yourself if it is already carved by someone elses insecurities…
And my skin crawled constantly in that fear, my laugh spilt into a thousand laughs which manifested into my own demons
My body is boring.
My face has been seen before.
My smell is comfort but expected.
My personality is predictable.
My entire me is a prison you are trying to escape from.
And I worry. I worry because while I lie here fermenting and growing into the same shapes I’ve always known…
You are out there on your own.
And your eyes meet hers…
and you both smile.
But of course the fear!
It lay there. Ever present.
Sometimes dormant, sometimes sucking us in overpowering like a vortex.
Of course it was.
Our canvas was wide, our journey was epic…so of course it was fucking scary
It was scary when our fingers ceased to touch
But we still had to have faith that we were both there because we BELIEVED in us.
We were supposed to believe in us
and we did.
and we did
and we did
and we did and when we did worlds and people collided
duvets burst into flames, feather burnt in a trail of our passion
homeless people pretended to lose their minds and read ours
telepathically telling us our future,
hands stroking both our hair as we came
the sky was permanently purple and we cradled each other
crossing countries and bathing in holy water.
Clowns crept out of the woodwork and made beds for us to lie in, tickling us awake in morning time.
Running across motorways at midnight hanging off bridges while ghosts held our hands
exploring world upon world with no money
but knowing that a song can be a currency….
And we believed in it.
And we did.
So it was true.
We believed in it for a while.
This is not a love poem. And this is not a lament
This is …lets call it an experiment.
Because one day someone will turn to you
And their eyes will be on endless
their soul bottomless
risen like a phoenix above the divide between this world and that
transitioning through danger
breathing like the walls of your womb and offering you beautiful, nightmareish, pulsating, pure paradoxical pleasure and adventure…
And of course you will jump with with them. But maybe… if you can…. if you WANT….reach out and grab the person next to you AND with such force that they have to grab the one next to them…and dive into eternity while holding onto both hands fast…
and maybe the chain will save you
And then maybe, one day, it will save me again
Because I want our first kiss to have set the world alight. And I think it did.